That’s right, this year I’ve decided to find the perfect gift for Santa.

I’m taking full advantage of the Giftassist Experiment, that you’ve all been participating in, to tell me what to get Saint Nick.

Now if you’re too impatient feel free to scroll to the bottom to find the result, but be sure to come back here to find out how I came to this gift.

The Questions

I’m taking a slight punt here, but i’m guessing that even though Santa is 1,000s of years old, he’s probably got alot more in common with a man in his 60s. So I’m saying he’s 65.

I guess it’s hard to define the Relationship you’d have with someone you’ve known all of your life, but never even met. But hey, if someone is willing to bring me gifts every year he’s definitely a friend of mine.

I definitely wouldn’t want to appear too tight, after all he gives so generously, so £20 to £30 is my budget.

Now, on to the personality questions. He may be a little out of shape but I think it would be hard to call Santa anything other than Very Active.

He’s been wearing the same coat for an eternity so i’m saying he’s Not Fashionable.

He’s always surrounded by elves, he clearly likes a drink and loves to make children smile – sounds like someone that is Very Sociable to me.

The guy’s catch phrase is “Ho Ho Ho”. Can you think of anyone more Cheerful?

Sure, Santa may be top dog when it comes to the logistics of Christmas, but it’s the Elves that make all the presents. So i’m going with Not Creative.

How on earth could he manage doing what he does if he didn’t Love his Job?

He’s been married to Mrs Claus for as long as anyone can remember, so he clearly Loves his Family.

He rides around on a sleigh that flies! He’s got to Love Gadgets.

He’s surround by little helpers, does he do much DIY? I really don’t think so.

So I hit GO and this is what Giftassist tells me…

The Result

It’s an Electric Cork Screw!

For a gadget loving older guy who clearly likes a drink, I think that’s pretty good.

What do you think? Please leave your comments here.

And remember, if you are in need of gift ideas (and not just for Santa) give the Giftassist Experiment a try.

I wonder what the world would be like if Wallace’s inventions were commonplace?

For a start, we’d all be able to fly to the moon. I’d definitely fancy that.

Our home grown vegetables would be safe. Very important.

No one would ever have trouble getting out of bed. Useful, though perhaps not as much fun.

Whilst pondering this paradise I started to think what gifts i could get Wallace, to show my appreciation for his life improving visions.

Figuring he’s going to be pretty well stocked for cheese, i started to think what else I know about him.

• He enjoys a nice cup of tea
• He’s very close to his dog
• He’s a homely man
• He still uses a hair dryer, even though he no longer has hair
• He’s a bit of a loser in love
• He comes from Yorkshire
• He’s a baker

So which of these do you think Wallace would like?

TeaTool Tea Strainer

I’m sure Wallace would struggle with the idea of having to use a spoon to squeeze his tea bag.

So in true overkill style, along comes the TeaTool tea strainer to make his life easier.

The days of pressing the bag against the side of the mug are over.

Yep, once you’ve got used to this little gem there will be no going back.

Beagle Silk Tie

Wallace is particularly fond of his red tie.

But there’s only so many times you can get away with wearing the same tie before it starts to be noticed.

So I recon Wallace will be made up with this fetching little number, featuring his beloved Beagle dog (Gomit’s breed, for the un-initiated)

Not sure about the Beagle tie?

OK, how about the Beagle Mobile Phone Holder then?

It’s the height of usefulness and will fit in perfectly with the rest of Wallace’s decor.

Of course, it’s a prime candidate for a spot of Wallace modification.

Fred Hot Head Dog Oven Mit

Yep, i’m not ready to give up the dog theme yet. Especially not when i saw these dog oven gloves.

Since Wallace recently changed careers to pursue his love of baking, you can bet he’s going through more than his fair share of oven gloves.

So he’ll be extra made up with these long lasting silicone mitts.

Taste of Yorkshire Gift Box

It may be called a gift box, but this is more like a survival kit for tea lover Wallace.

Featuring cake, biscuits and tea. Essentials to keep Wallace in full working order.

It even comes complete with a sharp looking Yorkshire Tea tea towel, so he can show his northern pride whilst drying the dishes. Result!

Yet another excuse to get the kettle on.

Can you think of any other gifts Wallace would like? Tell me here.

He’s a hyper tense, manically depressed hotelier who regularly harasses both staff and guests.

If anyone needs cheering up with a gift, it’s Basil Fawlty.

So, what do we know about this delightful man.

• He’s very xenophobic.
• He’s very angry.
• He wants to belong to the upper classes.
• He fights a lot with his wife.
• He’s tight with his money.
• He doesn’t much like other people.
• He frequently physically abuses Manuel, as well as the odd hotel guest.

It’s going to be a challenge to find a gift that might stand a chance of making Basil happy. Well, here goes.

The Little Englander’s Handbook: A Xenophobic Guide to Europe and Johnny Foreigner

Do you think Basil would find a collection of swipes at the rest of Europe amusing?

Yeah, i recon he probably would.

Since he frequently goes out of his way to weaken diplomatic relations, i suspect this would be right up his street.

Punch Bag

Taking your anger out on your staff and guests really isn’t good for business.

But there’s no point trying to hold it in either. That anger needs an outlet.

Next time Basil senses the red mist roll in, he can excuse himself, go into his office & pound the hell out of this – the ultimate stress reliever.

Fake degree from Oxford university

Basil is obsessed with appearing to be upper class.

So what better way to achieve this than have his own Degree certificate from the UKs most prestigious university.

I can just imagine him proudly displaying this behind the check in desk.

Though I’m not sure which course he would have studied. I don’t think they do a degree in cynicism.

Grumpy Old Men: A Manual for the British Malcontent

No doubt there will be an element of denial from Basil with this book, but once he’s got inside he’s bound to find a kindred spirit.

Stories about traffic wardens, football referees, soap operas and all sorts of other things that wind up grumpy old men.

Essentially, it’s a book for people that like to moan.  A lot.

Tight Git Wallet

Clearly holding onto his money is important to Basil. Why else would he employ Manuel?

This gift will probably not go down too well with Mr Fawlty.

But at least you can enjoy the seeing the reaction on his face!

That’s my lot. Let me know if i’ve missed anything out?

He’s a regular lovable rogue, who’s always down on his luck.

If anyone deserves a gift, it’s Delboy!

But what to get this cockney legend?

Lets start by writing down what we already know about him.

• He’s an entrepreneur at heart (if not at mind).
• He’s keen to impress people where ever possible.
• He drinks a lot of very dubious cocktails.
• He loves the go-getter lifestyle of the 80s yuppie.
• He’s a family man, very close to his brother after being left to raise him when his mother died and his father left.
• He lives in a tower block.
• He’s afraid of doctors and dentists.
• He was born in 1945.
• He drives a reliant regal.
• He’s no fan of the police.
• He made a fortune after finding an antique watch.
• He’s a sharp dresser, always in a suit, gold jewelery and long Camal hair coat. He’s also fond of splashing on the aftershave.

So now we know a bit about the man, here’s my gift ideas:

Famous Failures

Del’s struggled most of his life to achieve greatness. So what could be more encouraging than reading a book full of others that have succeeded after appalling starts.

Del certainly hasn’t been dealt many easy breaks, so what  could be more encouraging that a book full of examples of successful people who achieved greatness after miserable starts? Did you know that Albert Einstein failed the entrance exams to the Swiss Polytechnic Institute?

Barcraft Three Piece Barman’s Cocktail Kit

I thought about a cocktail recipe book, but since it’s highly unlikely that Derrick’s taste in cocktails would be covered.

Instead, i thought he would get alot more enjoyment from the apparatus needed for any self respecting home bar man.

Dolce & Gabbana The One for Men

Despite the unfortunate choice of transport, Del Boy undoubtedly cares about his appearance.

A well chosen scent can really leave a lasting impression. D&G the one has a fantastic spicy scent with bags of extra warmth, the perfect choice for a man on the charm offensive.

Tony Perotti Vegetable Leather Fold Out Wallet

A sophisticated man like del boy needs a quality leather wallet, especially for next year when he becomes a millionaire.

This Tony Perotti wallet is an especailly sophisticated affair. Most importantly for family man del, this wallet includes space to hold 2 photographs.

Miller’s Antiques Price Guide 2009

Just in case he finds another price less watch in his lock up!

So, there you have it. My suggestions.

What do you think? Do you have any other ideas?